


so every now and then it feels so soothing

by GalaxyGhosty



Series: The Monster's Darling [10]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Feelings, M/M, Meddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-12 18:34:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10497066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalaxyGhosty/pseuds/GalaxyGhosty
Summary: AU. “I love you,” Jack mumbles, his voice a thrum in his chest, like the words are stuck there, but they get out anyway.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for SUCH a delay on this part. 
> 
> I've been working on other projects on and off. This part was especially hard to write because I'm not...a smut person. This is really huge for me and they didn't even really get explicit. But I did want to explore this "properly," because as I keep stating Dark and Jack's relationship is incredibly sexual. I'm not--not a smut person. I took little hints from reading Toni (feistymuffin) and Quin's work among a couple of others, but even then I'm kind of a lost cause, so I apologize if it's completely un-sexy and awful. 
> 
> Anyway, this is really long winded, sorry about that. I'll let you all get to the chapter now. I think you'll like this one.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Title from "Ghost" by Sir Sly.

It isn’t always rough when him and Jack fuck. 

Usually when they get together, it _is_ hard and rough--Jack is normally crying mixed with groans of pleasure, a mess of saliva and precome against his stomach, sometimes blood depending on the night. He’s typically raking his nails through Dark’s hair, hissing, begging him to move _faster_ and _harder_ and to tip him over the edge. Dark’s always biting, always sucking hickies into his skin and leaving bruises with his fingers. Sometimes he thinks this kind of sex grounds Jack, holds him in place, reminds him that he’s wanted, sought after, and this is one thing that Dark has little issue indulging him in. Even when Jack’s spent, chest rising and falling erratically, Dark will continue thrusting until he joins him in the fucking clouds, the smell of sweat and sex hanging between them. 

But sometimes there’s something--something softer between them. There always has been. Sometimes, Dark takes his time, peeling every layer of clothing off with a finesse he’s always surprised by. He explores this boy’s--this young man’s--body with his lips, his fingers, learning every curve, every patch of hair, every ticklish spot, every spot that makes him keen in pleasure. Sometimes he’s slow in stretching him, listening to his desperate whines, fucking himself back down on his fingers until Dark pins him down by the hip, holding him there with a firm hand and sharp voice. His cheeks will be so dark, then, the blues of his eyes overshadowed by the darkening lust. Neither of them will come for a while, but it’ll feel like fire, something boiling deep inside Dark and he really, really doesn’t mind this kind of sex, at least not with Jack.

This night, it’s the latter. Jack’s gone glassy-eyed, head tilted to the side as Dark bites into his neck, soothing it with his tongue, shallowly thrusting, savoring the taste of him, and before long Jack’s tilting his head back, connecting their lips. 

Something about the gesture sets Dark off. He kisses him harsher, giving a rough push, swallowing down the grunt Jack emits as a result. 

“I love you,” Jack mumbles, his voice a thrum in his chest, like the words are stuck there, but they get out anyway.

Dark lets out a short breath, wondering if he could pretend like he didn’t hear it, but he knows he can’t. The words are there, out in the open, and they hangs there like a sword prepared to behead him. 

Jack stares at him through half-lidded eyes when he doesn’t move, and he hides his face in the crook of his arm. He’s perhaps redder than he was before this began, and seems disheartened by Dark’s lack of anything. 

“I know you don’t feel the same,” he says. “I’m sorry. It slipped out. Sorry.” 

Something weird churns in his stomach, and it’s not the sex--he knows it’s not. Dark reaches a hand up, tugging at his green hair, and when Jack’s blue eyes zero in on him, he kisses him again. 

It beats giving an answer, and the gesture sets him at ease. How Jack can be set at ease by simple, romantic acts so quickly always surprises him. Before long, with Dark’s teeth in his shoulder, Jack’s letting go, and Dark isn’t far behind him. 

Since Anti’s untimely arrival, he’s been cautious around Jack. Part of him has been fearful that Anti will make another attempt to harm Jack--or worse, speak to him. Anti has an acid tongue unlike that of which Dark has never seen; he’s fully capable of spinning tales that aren’t true, or are, both of which could go poorly. 

Jack’s head rests on his chest, and absently Dark combs his fingers through Jack’s sweaty hair. They don’t really talk much after any sort of sex, as per usual, and as Jack’s already closing his eyes, things are as proceeding as it normally does. 

It’s not until later that Jack’s tracing the lines of his stomach, some of his various scars that he speaks again. Dark watches his hand with a mute interest.

“Was there ever anyone else?” Jack murmurs, hand tapping on his ribs. “Other than me, I mean.” 

“I had a lot of people I fucked before you came along,” Dark says honestly. “Girls, boys--some whores, some not. Daughters of men I killed, sons of clients. A lot of people.” 

Jack hums like he’s not surprised by this. “Was there anyone like me?”

“I’m not sure anyone’s quite like you,” he admits. Dark doesn’t bother to elaborate that statement, because he feels like Jack’s gotten the answer he likes.

Apparently not, he finds moments later. “Did you ever love any of them?”

_I also seem to remember three pretty little words that I never said back._

“No,” Dark closes his eyes. “There was no one. Most of them were one-night fucks anyway. There wasn’t time or room for love. Just sex.” 

“Am I just sex?” Jack prods, his voice nonchalant, but he can feel the tension behind the statement, the fear for the answer. The question has more than he’s letting on, and Dark’s too tired to try sussing it out. Jack’s never been good at keeping secrets anyway--he’ll find out in due time. 

“Sweetheart, you’ll find that you’re not _just_ anything,” Dark relents, with great difficulty. 

This, it seems, puts Jack at ease. With a sigh, Jack sits up, rubbing at his eyes. He brushes a hand through his hair, and with Dark’s eyes on him, he mumbles, “Will you kiss me?” 

“Maybe, if you come over here,” Dark answers, unable to prevent the little smirk that curls onto his lips. 

A little laugh escapes Jack then, and sure enough, he’s crawling overtop of him, settling into his lap. The whole scene feels oddly domestic, and this isn’t the first time Dark’s felt this way in a situation. 

He grips the back of Jack’s hair when he slots their lips together, the action rumbling deep in his stomach. Dark’s never been big on kissing, really--but for some reason, Jack adores it, and Dark’s found it’s one of the easiest ways to please him. 

“Do you promise not to get mad if I tell you something?” Jack hums, tracing the lines of his collarbone. “Like, for real not get mad.”

“Nope,” Dark replies, because he’s not gonna promise if he can’t be certain. Of course he’s going to fly off the handle if he finds out Jack did something stupid like sleep with Jules or called a hit on someone without telling him. “I do promise, however, not to throw you across the room.”

“Fair,” Jack rolls his eyes, understanding that’s the closest he’s going to get. “Um. I met with someone. Or, well, they found me, I guess. Someone...interesting.”

Dark regards him warily. He reaches up and grabs his wrist, applying a liberal amount of pressure, but not enough to hurt. “What did you do, Jack?” 

“I didn’t do anything,” Jack answers, and he seems like he means it. “They...he said he knew you. Like, really knew you.” 

“A lot of people _know_ me,” Dark replies. “What’s your point?” 

Jack shifts uncomfortably, and he pulls his eyes away. Something he always does when he’s nervous. He’s got a feeling he’s not going to like his answer. 

“He just...told me that you loved him, once. And to be careful--because you probably didn’t tell the truth, then. That you…” he trains off, and Dark feels like throwing something across the room would be grand right now.

Anti. Goddamn Anti. Sticking his nose where he shouldn’t, getting involved with shit that’s not his to be involved in. Motherfucking Anti. Stupid, meddling Anti. He’d been afraid of this. He’s been so cautious, so mindful of Jack these last couple of days. Now it’s all for naught. 

“Don’t be angry,” Jack whispers. “I--I didn’t know what to make of it. I didn’t know if I should trust him or not. So I told you about it. I don’t know if I believe him--I don’t even know who he was.” 

“Where did he find you?” Dark squeezes his wrist, gritting his teeth.

Jack winces. “You’re hurting me.”

He makes a conscious effort to let up, but doesn’t let go. “Where?” 

“When I went out for my lunch break at work,” Jack replies quietly. “I was out eating lunch with Robin, one of my coworkers. He stepped out to use the bathroom, and while I was eating this guy just...sits down in front of me. The whole exchange was...maybe five to seven minutes?” 

“Goddamn him,” Dark mumbles, more to himself. “Put everything he said out of mind. He’s a fucking lunatic.” 

Those blue eyes are giving him that _look_ , the one full of uncertainty and doubt. Why does Jack always doubt him at the worst possible time? 

“Did you?” he moves his free hand to loop around Dark’s neck. Dark surprises himself by letting him lean his head forward, touching foreheads. “Did you love him?”

Anti. Did he love Anti? He knows he said it a great deal. The three words seemed effortless at the time. When they fucked, when they didn’t, when Anti returned from a kill, when Dark did. Whenever he did, Anti’s nose would scrunch up, displeasure clear in his features. He never liked those words.

Just like Dark hates hearing them now. How things have changed.

He doesn’t answer. Jack seems off put by this. “You did.” 

“I don’t love anyone,” he reiterates, as though that were the question at hand. 

Jack’s lips twist. “You’re always lying to me. Always. Maybe tell the truth for once.”

“What Anti and I had doesn’t concern you,” Dark snarls. “Anti is a part of my past you should never have heard about. He had no business finding you. He’s a snake, Jack. He’s a serpent that will do everything he can to tempt you towards ruin.” 

“And you loved him,” Jack murmurs. Like he knows the answer. Like he didn’t have to ask, but he wanted to. “You loved him, and he hurt you.” 

A cigarette. He really needs a cigarette. These days, smoking doesn’t quite set his nerves at ease like it used to, but it does take the edge off. Manhandling Jack off his lap, Dark slides out of bed and swipes his jeans off the ground, sliding into them. From the bedside table, he grabs his carton of cigarettes and withdraws one. 

“I don’t know why you have this monumental issue with telling me the truth,” Jack grouses from the bed. His cheeks burn with indignation. “It doesn’t hurt you.”

“You want to know the truth?” Dark takes a sharp inhale. “Fine. I was in love with Anti. I was so fucking stupidly in love with him that I felt like I would explode the world if it meant getting him to love me back. I would’ve kill anyone for him. I would’ve done anything for him. But he didn’t give a shit about that. Everything we had was physical. Anti didn’t give a shit about me.” 

Jack’s blue eyes pierce him, a sort of sympathy creeping in. Dark cuts that shit out right now. “Don’t you _dare_ pity me. I don’t care. Anti is in the past. Do you think I spent my days crying about how he never loved me back? Do you think it ruined me? Use your head, Jack. It’s done. End of story.”

He sucks in a deep breath of the cigarette. The smoke grips his lungs, clawing at his insides. He doesn’t want to have this conversation. “Are you happy now, babe? Did you successfully learn what you wanted to know?”

“No,” Jack’s voice is small. He puts a hand over his head, seemingly frustrated. “I just--”

“You want me to love you,” Dark finishes for him. “You wanted to know if it was actually possible for me to love someone. You wanted to know if I ever have, if I ever could again. I know what you want.”

“Can you blame me?” Jack removes himself from the sheets, scooping up his boxers and unapologetically picks up Dark’s shirt. He pulls it on, knowing fully well what it does to him. He crosses his arms, staring at him. “You telling me all these years you’re not capable, only to find your ex?”

“I’m not,” Dark twirls the cigarette in his fingers. “I’m not capable of love. They're just words. Sure, I said it to Anti a lot, but did I feel it? Probably not. Anti knows that, too. We parted ways because Anti likes to move.” 

Jack balls his fingers into fists. “Do I _actually_ mean anything to you? Or are those just words, too?” 

“Look, I didn’t ask you to fall in love with me,” Dark sneers. “I didn’t tell you to get all doe-eyed on me, didn’t ask you to crave physical and romantic affection from me at every available opportunity. That was all you. That was all your decision.” 

“But you knew it happened,” Jack spits back, just as harsh. “You knew when I was twenty how I felt about you. It’s been seven fucking years since then. Then I try to leave and I can’t--and I can’t stay away--”

He breaks himself off. Then, “I love you. I keep saying it. Even if it doesn’t mean anything to you. Even if it doesn’t change anything. I know you know. You are--you’re...you’re practically my entire world. I know I don’t have to keep saying it. I know it’s fucking stupid that I got attached to you, when it’s very clear that you have no such attachment to me.”

“Oh, that’s what you believe?” Dark rolls his eyes. “I’ve got no remote attachment to you. Of course. Because I haven’t gone through extreme lengths to keep you safe, I didn’t come after you when you were kidnapped, I didn’t give you everything I possibly could. So no, I absolutely don’t give a shit about you, you’re just someone to put my dick into.” 

He can hear Jack grinding his teeth. “Do you actually have feelings? Like, at all?”

“Christ,” Dark sighs. “You’re all about me ripping me open to satiate your insane curiosity. Yes, Jack, I have feelings, and it bothers the shit out of me that you could ever think I didn’t give a flying fuck about you when it’s very, very clear that what I mean to you is _exactly_ what you mean to me.” 

And there it is. 

Even being the one speaking the words, Dark feels breathless. Jack’s staring at him like he doesn’t recognize him as a person, like he can’t process the words due to some computer malfunction in his currently shortwired brain--his eyes are closed off, perhaps the most guarded he’s ever seen Jack’s eyes in all of their time together. 

Jack opens his mouth, but whatever he wants to say seems stuck there, gripped tight by some beast in his throat, and in some ways Dark wants to slap an answer out of him, but perhaps he’s scared of that more. Never once has Dark felt this vulnerable before, and it’s _disgusting_ , humiliating and awkward. 

Slowly, Jack rises to his feet. The world feels as though it’s in slow motion as he crosses the short distance between them. Dark flicks his cigarette onto the nightstand, and time seems to freeze when Jack’s pale fingers touch his hand, before lacing their fingers together. 

He’s always been a little taller than Jack, but this doesn’t stop him from reaching his free hand up, tangling his fingers in Dark’s black and red hair. He’s done this dozens of times before this, but tonight it’s more methodical, more precise, like he’s intent on doing one single thing. 

His boy has always been a little mouthy, full of words he doesn’t have to say, so Dark is actually surprised when Jack says nothing this time. He tilts his head up and brushes their lips together--not quite a kiss, but there, present. 

Jack smiles, soft and quiet, and the whole world seems to fade away.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos always mean so much to me. Thank you!! Please come visit me over at galaxyghosty.tumblr.com! I really love hearing from all of you <3


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